cny in mourning

i have never really had much thoughts whenever cny is around the corner. the lunar calendar means nothing to me (and simply because i can't make sense of it). the cny songs need a makeover badly. the geomancers are just making general statements of probability. and the temple-goers are just crazy to make a mad rush for the urn and risk being trampled just so that the temple-people can throw the joss sticks away before it reaches the ash. (i ask for your pardon if what i just said offended anyone, but it's what i've always thought.)

it's just another festive season for the family to get together, for the younger ones to collect the always-coveted ang paos and most importantly, for people like me to savour the finest snacks and sweet meats.

but this year, it's just different. in view of my grandma's passing in july, my grandfather has "passed the decree" as the head of the household that we should not be celebrating cny this year. no red decorations, no red clothes, no visitations (because the buddhists considers it bad luck for a mourning family to enter others' residences), and you guess it, no ang paos too. although my grandfather is not concerned about the buddhist belief on visitations, he just thought that we shouldn't celebrate any occasions within the first month of my grandma's passing. but then again, i had my cousin's rom in december... (yet another contradiction!)

so as you can see, cny was a quiet family affair this year. reunion was as per normal at my aunt's place with a sumptuous dinner (minus the perspiration coz we opted against the steamboat this year), and the usual shou shui to 12 midnight. praise God there were laughter and chattering and constant munching... it wasn't such a sad occasion after all. i saw the smiles on my grandfather's face and i am grateful God sustained him through all his life.

the past two days... started with the careful selection of clothes for the day. no red, no gold, no festive colours. thankfully, i don't have many. then it's popping down to my aunt's place to wish my grandpa happy new year. i wanted to make a stand that i don't believe in mourning for a whole year. i will always remember my grandma in my heart, and that is all that counts. customs and practices are all man-made, and man falters, so who should we follow? for the first time in my life, ang paos had to be given and received in secret...

anyway, below is a collage of pics i snapped at my aunt's place just before midnight.