castles in the air

i can't sleep till i write out my thoughts. i can't sleep with thoughts running constantly in my head. it will drive me further into troughs of negativity. i can't help but my mind races through thoughts faster than i can imagine. the amount of stuff going through my head sometimes just drives me insane.

and i build castles in the air. constantly. i have great dreams about things i wish would happen. call me a "visual" person. i can picture my dreams in my mind faster than i can put it out in words. it's like a running movie of what i hope will happen. and it is always scenes of happiness. of joy. of great moments. but these castles last as long as the clouds do. before you know it, the water comes tumbling down and my castles disappear. what i get is buckets of disappointment and shattered dreams. what i wished to happen became droplets of rain falling on my head. perhaps it is a great reminder to myself to wake up and stop dreaming!

life is sometimes so selfish. we constantly think how we can fulfil our priorities. how we can do what we want to do. how we can have what we wished for. but there are more elements to life. and one of those elements is people. the people around you will either see your dream and agree with it, or it just doesn't work for them. because our dreams concern the people around us, therefore their reaction plays a great role in our dreams becoming reality. but more often than not, people are not as cooperative as you would expect them to be. and they would always have more issues on their hands to handle. we are not the greatest worry on their minds. we are not the only person they have to please. we are not the most important factor in their decision-making. and others have more to think about than us.

i am a forward-thinker. i think of events that are going to happen. those that are currently on my calendar. and i start to dream of what might happen at these events. how nice it would be if ............. or how wonderful if it turns out like .............. and i start having such ridiculous expectations. expecting this to happen. expecting that to happen. but have i not realised after so long that such expectations can never be met?

reality is nothing near the dreams i created for myself. you are the director of your own dreams, but God is the director of your life. so stop building your own stage and writing your own script.

pardon me... i am just talking to myself when i write "you".
i have no intention of condemning anyone out there.